as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
