so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
