If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
