i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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