I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
