My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
