I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
