i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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