he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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