Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
