i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Are my feet made of real feet?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dear god my vagina.
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