Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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