i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
