I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i will never coherently bang her
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
two words...techno handjob
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
