Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
