my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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