3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
