I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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