Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
