I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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