Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize