I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
