dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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