It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
