I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
