So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Duck Duck Cougar?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
