I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
