talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize