Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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