im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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