Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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