Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
