Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
