I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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