I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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