Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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