And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
