I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
