Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
