You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
