If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
