Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
