Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
