Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
