I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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