when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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