Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
