Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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