FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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