I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
