Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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