After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i've created a new STD.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
