apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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