If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
