Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
