Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
