but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
