Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
