Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
