my phone needs a breathalizer
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
