Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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