I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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