I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize