My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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