There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
