No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
