ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
