I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
