shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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